02 August 2007

My Own Personal Ugly Naked Guy

Well, more like a naked couple. And I kind of can't really tell if they're ugly. But I do know they like to be naked in front of the window in their apartment located across the street (and one floor down) from mine. Now, you may recall my full monty experience with the "gentleman" just a couple of weeks ago. I had obviously just missed out on the action. As it turns out, that was not to be an isolated incident.

The other night Michelle, Leila, Lauren, and Rita came over for good margaritas, good guac, and good times. Naturally the roof was our location of choice for such goodness. It wasn't all that late, maybe 11, 11:30 or so, when one of the ladies, I believe Michelle or Rita, wandered toward the edge of the roof to peep into the many lit up windows across the street. Whoever it was gasped "Oh my god those people are going to have sex!" Immediately I knew it was my old friends from a couple of weeks ago. A cursory glance confirmed such. They were entangled on the bed, but fully clothed. We were certain that we had happened upon the beginning of a very exciting evening for the two of them. And also for us.

We waited patiently, eagerly, patiently/eagerly. But they toyed with us, oh did they toy. They would canoodle on the bed, and then one or the other or both would get up and go to the computer for god knows what reason. They did this dance for, oh, I would say a good thirty to forty-five minutes while we watched, in turn: them, a cat playing in a crowded room to the left, a gay man trying on every single outfit in his closet to the right and down, and a person (gender unknown) sitting in front of their window, back to the window, leg up, smoking, perhaps watching TV, to the right and up (We ended up yelling quite loudly to get this person's attention, and so we did, then we got all scared and backed away from the edge). But we loyally kept coming back to the couple. Every time the man got up, my hopes rose along with him that he might be going for a condom. The girl seemed to be practically begging for it, it made me think of when monkeys just stick their butts up to get sex, like "Here's my ass, now fuck me".

We went back to my apartment and continued to watch from my window, the spot of the infamous first sighting. They continued at their little charade for a bit. Then, they got up. They turned the light in their room off. They left the room. WTF?? We were left feeling so unsatisfied. We wondered if the man was perhaps leaving. Maybe she was walking him out. I kept my eyes on the door while Michelle kept her eyes on the room. Though distracted for a moment, I saw what appeared to be the couple emerging from the front door of the building, the woman in her small black dress, the man in his white tee and jeans. I was certain. They walked down Orchard and swung a left on Grand. Saddened, we left the window to return to normal human interaction. Oh but it's not done. They came back. And they kept on playing the fucking game. This poor girl, this poor poor girl, just wanted a good fuck. And this asshole just wanted to play Warcraft or check his myspace hits. Even after all the girls left a good hour and a half after this all began, I kept peeking to see if anything was actually going down, if you were. And nothing was.

Oh but there's more. There will continue to be more until I, or they, move away. Last night I got home around 1:30. Right before getting into bed, I decided to take a look outside, just to see what I could see. The guy (douchebag) was sitting at the computer. The girl was laying in bed, but there appeared to be a lot more flesh this time. She got up and BAM. Boobies! Too far to see muff, but she was in the nude. She pulled on a hideous orange thong, went over to the man for a moment, and lay back down where she proceeded to get very comfortable with herself. I daresay she may have been masturbating.

In the thirty minutes or so that it's taken me to tell this tale, I've gotten up half a dozen times or more to check the goings on in that apartment. Nothing much, really.

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