Discarded Mattresses

This time of month, i.e. the 31st (or 30th, or even 28th or 29th if it's February and/or a leap year), one might encounter many mattresses on the sidewalk. I'm a nervous type. I try to avoid the mattresses, in case they have bedbugs. Some of my friends occasionally think it's funny to hump on the mattresses, for kicks. I stay away. At least four feet, which seems to have been emblazoned in my mind as the maximum jumping limit for lice. That's right, lice, not bedbugs; apparently in my mind the limit applies to all parasitic bugs. Whatever. Anyway. People are moving. There are people that are leaving New York, and there are boyfriends and girlfriends that are moving in together, and who needs two mattresses? I think the latter is the more likely reason for these poor, abandoned mattresses that get humped on by random passing drunkards. There's a lot of that going on in this city; the moving in together. The premature moving in together. The death sentence for a young, fun, blossoming relationship. Did I type that out loud?