03 July 2008

The Hidden Dangers of a Tote

Totes are simple things: lightweight, pocketless, lacking in most/all of the bells and whistles associated with other baggages. Yet the tote is a dangerous bag. Well, dangerous to a girl like me who's been following an unwritten, unspoken rule of strict skirt and dress wearing for several months running, and has been a tote devotee for at least twice as long.

See, it's the tote fabric (canvas, linen, cotton, etc.) coupled with the tote length (slung over the shoulder, it hangs at the hip to thigh area), multiplied by the physics of friction that's dangerous. The chafing of the tote fabric against the clothing fabric (equally chafey materials) can only add up to trouble, in the manner of a skirt bunching it's way up your side. And voila! Your ass is on display.

I'm usually quite aware of this problem. I had a similar problem with my winter coat last year; I would unbutton it only to find my skirt up around my waist. Thank god for tights! The point is, it was a hard lesson in bunching. I try to carry my tote so as to avoid the bunching, or pull at my skirt every seven to ten seconds to keep my behind covered. On a recent hot day, though, when wearing a particularly naughty skirt (one that just seems so much higher in the back than in the front), I totally dropped the anti-bunching ball. I was walking home from work when a woman materialized out of nowhere, it seemed, and tried to get my attention several times before I realized that I was the "Miss" she was speaking to. You'd think I might have felt a breeze, but it must have been one of those stagnant air days. I've been much more attentive to my skirts' needs, since then, but I know that one day, I'll reach down and feel naked leg where clothing was just a moment ago. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday.


  1. Dang, I just saw this happen to a girl outside of Whole Foods. I saw her tan lines. Who doesn't wear underwear to Whole Foods? That's just wrong.

  2. Wait a minute, are you saying her skirt ran up AND SHE WAS GOING COMMANDO???