21 January 2008


I'd like to think that people can change for the better. That they want to change. Not just little self improvement things like, oh I'm going to take a class to learn Chinese and become more cultured, or hey I'm going to try not to elbow slow walkers on the sidewalk so much, or, ya know, maybe I'll try not to snap at my mother all the time. Those are like, small potato resolutions. They're not nothing, but they aren't such a stretch for basically decent people.

It's the stretch I'm interested in. The ones that need to make a massive change in lifestyle in order to even touch the bottom rung of the healthy social interaction ladder. I would like to have faith in the stretchy kind of change. Conscious, effortful, meaningful change. The kind where you realize, gee, I'm a shitty person, I treat people pretty badly, even the ones that care about me! And then you decide you don't want to be a shit anymore. And you don't just say, yeah I know I'm an asshole. You actually STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE. You stop manipulating and threatening and generally torturing those around you. Simply saying you're a better person, well those words certainly sound pretty, but it doesn't really mean anything when your actions are speaking the opposite loud and clear.

It's so hard for me to believe in the stretchy change. There's just so much ugly in the world. Domestic violence, gangs, world wars. Those people need to stretch themselves. And those assholes, the ones who say they've changed while they sharpen their talons behind their backs (yet still in plain sight), well, they don't so much bolster my faith.

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